ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
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