We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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