who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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