I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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