they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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