I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize