first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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