who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dick very happy bro
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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