During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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