I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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