theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
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Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want to be your penis for a week.
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I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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