Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize