This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize