Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize