We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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