i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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