Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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