the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize