the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i out mim tonsoeep
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