just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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