my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize