you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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