Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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