so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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