the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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