I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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