She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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That was so not worth putting pants on for.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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