she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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