So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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