this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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