Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize