I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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