He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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