I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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