Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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