Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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