Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.

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  (757): Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet! (734): I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet. http://tfl.nu/0xwp
  Replies (10) Good night (1882) Bad night (500)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.

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  (312): Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer. http://tfl.nu/54ng
  Replies (19) Good night (7947) Bad night (706)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?

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  (781): I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I? http://tfl.nu/0o9s
  Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (3434) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.

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  (917): Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick. http://tfl.nu/d1ac
  Replies (21) Good night (5641) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

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  (410): She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with http://tfl.nu/po8c
  Replies (24) Good night (6914) Bad night (1942) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole

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  (303): She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole http://tfl.nu/g6br
  Replies (15) Good night (843) Bad night (5834) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel

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  (760): if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel http://tfl.nu/4p3k
  Replies (6) Good night (2903) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you

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  (262): he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you http://tfl.nu/6gzr
  Replies (6) Good night (680) Bad night (2223) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".

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  (647): A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe". http://tfl.nu/rgh4
  Replies (6) Good night (1174) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect

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  (224): Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect http://tfl.nu/i76x
  Replies (3) Good night (1443) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.

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  (254): Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat. http://tfl.nu/sxj6
  Replies (20) Good night (1456) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.

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  (718): Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up. http://tfl.nu/gzqi
  Replies (4) Good night (1187) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid

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  (615): I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid http://tfl.nu/n6y8
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.

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  (317): Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck. http://tfl.nu/efut
  Replies (6) Good night (454) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight

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  (813): I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight http://tfl.nu/hz5m
  Replies (4) Good night (301) Bad night (129) Order T-Shirt

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