if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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