The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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