he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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