halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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