Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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