I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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