remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize