if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
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Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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