whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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