Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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