took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The feeling are messing with the penis
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So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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