Jerry, you need to find god
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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