I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize